It requires me to have two "meal" shakes a day, with snacks of real food in between, and a meal composed of mostly lean protein and veggies. I'm also supposed to give up alcohol and coffee, dairy, gluten and wheat.
You may be thinking - that sounds like torture, WHY are you doing this to yourself? You sicko.
I'm going to say that it's absolutely torturous and that I'm doing it because I want to shed some weight, but I also want to get myself in a routine of eating cleaner and healthier. I also want to try to change the relationship I have with food and alcohol - more on that later.
To document my progress (torture), I'm keeping a little ongoing weekly journal. Here's week 1's play by play:
Day 1 - no coffee. can't think. can't write. can't sleep. want food. help. I am dying.
Day 2 - Hunger pains
Here are my thoughts:
I effing miss food.
I effing miss food.
I effing miss food.
I want to gouge my eyes out with my pen.
I effing miss coffee. And to say that I effing miss it is a horrible understatement. I can't deal. I. cannot. deal. I have been drinking coffee since I was 7. SEVEN. I am 30. I am miserable (also an understatement).
Back to the food - I don't even find myself to be hungry, really. I just miss the deliciousness of food. I miss chewing. I miss the social act of everyone sitting down to a meal - even after only 2 days!!!
I miss cheese so much, and bread. Lawd, do I ever miss bread.
I've also cut out alcohol, but I don't think I'll miss alcohol as much as I'll miss brownies, cookies, nachos, pizza, ice cream, cheese, gelato, cupcakes, cheese, tuna, mayo, pasta, cheese, sea salt and vinegar chips, cheesecake, popcorn -
Oh no.. I forgot about popcorn. Mother.....
I know that there isn't some warden following me around demanding that I adhere to this diet, and I know that my world isn't going to fall apart if I cheat a little, but I really don't want to cheat. I want to prove to myself I can do this. I have always had a love/hate relationship with food. I am very much an emotional eater in the sense that when I get super happy, I want to eat reasonable amounts of goodness, and when I get super sad or stressed, I want to stuff my face with disturbing amounts of the most toxic, [yummy] and unhealthy [delicious] stuff I can put in my body (I'm lookin' at you - Cheesy Gordita Crunch).
Day 4 - Porto's at work.
It's day 4 and I don't feel half as bad as I thought I would right now. The caffeine headaches come and go, but today is the first that I haven't woken up with one. I feel a little tired, but I am still working out while doing all this so it's pretty intense.
Speaking of working out; after killing it on the elliptical, I come upstairs to my office, and there is not one, but TWO boxes of Porto's pastries ripe for consumption sitting just feet from my desk. Seriously - I sit so close to them I can smell the sweet vanilla of the chocolate chip muffin. I can almost feel its moist, crumbly, chocolatey goodness in my mouth.
This is a true test of willpower, and I keep reminding myself about how great I'll feel later knowing that I was able to resist the temptress chocolate chip muffin and her sirens of sweetness....
Yes, there will be no muffin yumminess for me.. I'm just going to sit here an sip my banana berry post-workout shake, whilst watching my co workers bask in the glory of the feast.
The torture never ends. At lunch today, I took a walk outside with my co-workers so they could hit up the food trucks. And guess what? There was a Mexican truck there. I didn't have a lick of it. Not so much as a tortilla chip. Yea, that's right!! I sat down, on this beautiful day, and watched my friends stuff themselves with mucho delicioso -ness, while I sat and ate my "snack" which consisted of sesame rice crackers, and hummus.
I tried to pay attention to the discussion at hand but it was hard to hear anything over my inner food lover yelling "Dame el guacamole!!!"
Day 5 - Friday
Today is Friday. Tonight I have to go to an event to support a friend's premiere of her web series at an awesome bar with awesome drinks and an awesome menu (watermelon martini - I looked at the menu online. Clearly I am a glutton for punishment.)
Needless to say it's going to be a challenge..I'm a social drinker, and I LOVE going out to eat, I'm a foodie. I am southern, so food is the epicenter of most of our nights out, family shin digs, and day to day life. Enjoying food and drinks together is a major social activity where I come from, and although I don't drink as much as I used to, and I eat much healthier now, I still love a sinful meal and some cocktails.
Ok it was tough but luckily since I was fumbling around with the camera the whole time, but I definitely eye banged some drinks.. and there was this cheesy dish everyone seemed to be ordering.. I eye banged that a ton... but I held strong! I didn't touch a thing.
PS! If you want to check out my friend's web series, it's called Good Vibrations:
Just be warned that it's about sex.
Day 6 - Date Night
The boyfriend took me on a nice little dinner date tonight. We went to this awesome Italian place ( I know, I know, yikes!) I cannot tell a lie... I totally cheated today, but I still think I ate relatively healthy. I got a pasta dish that had tons of veggies in it, and I only ate a small portion. I did, however, have some bread. Then afterwards we went to Yogurtland and I got the gluten free (blah), dairy free (meh) sorbet, and one dairy free (ugh) yogurt flavor, topped with a bit of fruit and almonds. Honestly, I will still probably eat a bit of gluten. I don't have a gluten allergy, and I don't eat a ton of gluten containing foods in my normal day to day.
I'd like to just point out that while yes, I had pasta - I didn't have wine. At an Italian restaurant. 'Nough said.
This crap is hard, but not as bad as I thought it would be. I'm actually learning a ton about produce and food storage and I have some great recipes under my belt. I have noticed that I'm irritable and short tempered, and I'm attributing that to caffeine withdrawals and missing food. I don't feel like I've lost weight or anything and my skin is slightly broken out, but I really won't know until I measure myself, which I will do on Monday. I didn't weigh myself in the beginning because I'm less concerned with my actual weight than I am with fitting in my clothes.
I definitely craved a ton this week. It was frustrating to try to figure out a flow and routine for getting and preparing food and making sure that I cooked. Restaurants were looking pretty good. My life is really stressful and I'm going through a ton of stuff right now and emotional eating and drinking is definitely a coping mechanism of mine. I did really well this week though, and I hope I can do better next week.
Also, I never thought I'd find myself looking forward to hummus and cucumbers so much.
PS - totally saw a movie and had some popcorn... I'M ONLY HUMAN, DAMNIT!!