Someone posted this on facebook a few days ago and I found it fitting. As someone who is trying to lose weight and tone up, I always find myself denying my inner goddess what she really wants-granted, most of the time what she wants is chocolate..BUT in any case, diets suck. There, i said it. I am only going to live this one life as THIS girl, anyway, and well, when I wanna eat something that's not so good for me, I'm going to do it!! And I'm not going to spend the immediate five minutes AFTER I eat the tainted food feeling guilty! I'll just do extra cardio...
"We are all flawed creatures, all of us. Some of us think that means we should fix our flaws, but get rid of my flaws and there would be no one left." - Sara Vowell
I saw this quote today and as I'm sitting in a coffee bean, in the capital city of flaw removal (Los Angeles, CA) I can't help but feel (and see) that lil miss Sara V has a point. So many of us seem so caught up in trying to "fix" ourselves- and although I'm sure I am a minor case, I am just as guilty of this as the woman across the street who clearly looks like she has serious botox addiction..
We are all chasing Aphrodite. (For men, the Vitruvian man.)That pristine, perfect, beauty-symmetrical and flawless. Of course, each of us has a different idea of what Aphrodite looks like, but one thing is for sure-she does not look like ourselves, as we currently are.
Bigger breasts, flawless skin, smaller breasts, less fat, more fat, more curves, less curves, bigger muscles, rounder bums, flatter abs... the list is endless.. We all want to change something, we all want to be better..We all want to be "perfect".
But what's the point? Aphrodite didn't exist anyway, and even if she did, it would be pointless to try to make ourselves look like her. And what is perfection, anyway? I think we need to define our OWN sense of what is perfect, for ourselves.
I'd love to have Angleina Jolie's lips, J Lo's fantastic ass, and Jen Aniston's boobs..
But all the botox in the world won't give me Angie's lips, and a even with a boob job i still won't look just like Jen-because she's her and I am me..
I don't have Jennifer Lopez's bum because I'm NOT JENNIFER LOPEZ! when I catch myself saying, "Man I wish i had J'Lo's toned tush" I catch myself and say, "Lauren, that's Jennifer's tush, you can't have it -But you do have YOUR bum, and you do know how to exercise- so guess what? Get off your bum and do some squats." I try to make my OWN bum the best bum it can be.
Why spend so much of our time trying to mold ourselves into these seemingly impossible forms? There isn't anything wrong with fixing things that bother us, cosmetic or otherwise, but today's society really seems to be going overboard.. 14 year old girls getting nose jobs, girls 11 years old saying they wish the were skinnier, models strutting the runway who literally weigh next to nothing? The stress associated with holding ourselves up to such unreasonable standards, to wanting to be someone else- is practically unbearable. People crack under the pressure. I know this, because I have.
I feel sorry for Angelina and other movie stars. They are under an unimaginable amount of pressure to be perfect-thin, flawless, photogenic...They're expected by the business, the media, and the fans to maintain their appearances, and the second they slip up, have a pimple, or gain ONE pound, they are crucified publicly. What is wrong with our society? Beauty is the be all and god help you if you have a single blemish or ounce of fat.. or some other "flaw".
But women like me, we put that pressure on ourselves. We see Photoshopped pictures in magazines, airbrushed movie stars on film, and we immediately run to the mirror, stare at our own reflection and think, "I'm just not good enough."
How far we have fallen.. Thin is in, it's get beautiful or go home. The pretty ones are put on a pedestal and all of the invalids are cast aside..
It's like living in the age of Gattaca (Science fiction fans understand this analogy)
We have to change the way we think. I want to be my own Aphrodite. I want to be the best possible person I can be, inside and out. The best version of Lauren. I have issues with my looks, and I'll do what I need to do to make myself feel comfortable, but I'm doing it for myself. I'm molding myself into my own "Perfect" mold, no one else's.
When I was a young, silly, girl, looong before I knew anything about the idea of parallel universes or alternate realities, or even science fiction- I believed there was another world on the other side of my mirror. I was so sure that the girl staring back at me (my own reflection) was living in a world that looked very similar to mine, but was indeed far different than the world I was living in. I'd stare at her, try to have conversations with her-I'd touch my hand to the smooth, cool glass and I would close my eyes. I'd wait for her to pull me through, let me cross over into her magical, perfect world. The world in the mirror. It was a world free of pain and fear and disappointment. A world with no annoying little brother, no fighting parents, or mean kids at school. No heartbreak or loneliness. No death. That other me didn't have to go to school, and it was always springtime in her world. There was rain (I've always loved rain) but no hurricanes or tornadoes or scary things like that. She didn't live in a one story house in a small town smack dab in the middle of a swamp. Oh no, she lived in a huge purple castle by the ocean. The other me had mermaids for best friends and if she wanted to, she could turn into one and swim to a beautiful underwater city to play with other mermaids and fish. The other me had a beautiful singing voice and she wore the most beautiful dresses all the time.
Sometimes, I would wake up in the middle of the night and peek behind my mirror in hopes that some secret portal may have opened up. It was never there. I wanted so badly to be a part of that perfect, magical world behind the mirror. Where all my dreams would come true.
I still find myself looking for that today. Some doorway waiting to lead me into some other life. Some perfect life. A life without pain or heartbreak. Don't we all do this? Find ourselves searching for a place, a life where there are no mistakes. Where all wrongs are forgiven and forgotten. A life where the choices we make won't hurt anyone and where every choice is the perfect choice. Somewhere where happiness comes easy, with no exceptions or catches. A place where we can live by our hearts, without our brains mucking everything up.
That other world doesn't exist, and I"m sure if there are versions of us all in some parallel existence, they probably don't have it as easy as that girl in the mirror land I so often dreamed of. There isn't any point in wishing we were somewhere else- there isn't anywhere else to go. This is it. We are here, in this place and this time. There is so much goodness and happiness here. There is also shit. A lot of shit. There is blood and pain and tears. Hurt and hunger and heartbreak. There's guilt and hate. It is up to us to make THIS world, our only one, into what we want it to be. WE have the power to choose to embrace the good, and change the bad. To conquer our fears and to mend heartache. We have the power to forgive and we have the strength inside of us to push on, despite some sadness in our hearts, when we cannot forget. We are all so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. No more waiting for doorways or wishing with eyes closed. It's time to live with eyes open, and stop pushing against the glass.
I'm Lauren. I love soaking up new people and new experiences. I'm an artist, photographer, actress, and a dreamer. and professional bruncher. I realize I probably have terrible grammar. I am not ashamed of this. English is the worst. Some would say I'm an old soul. I tend to be dramatic, and I eat waaay too much Mexican food.
I don't consider myself a writer, I'm not a writer, I just write. It's a way to express my feelings, what's inside of me, and let out whatever emotions are trying to push their way out of me. I also like to tell stories, make people laugh, inspire people, help and educate people about things I am passionate about in the world around us. I hope at least some of what's here does at least some of that for at least one person.