I have been wrong about so many of my steps. I've miscalculated and my plans have changed time and time again. They change so frequently and so much that I'd actually rather not try to make anymore plans. EVER. But, that's not very realistic of me, is it?
It's amazing how every experience changes the path, and the person. I remember when I was 17, if something didn't happen how it I felt it was supposed to-the world ended. It was pure chaos. My life was over. Now, I shrug it off and roll with the punches, and I shift my body weight while rounding the curves. I'm way more patient (some people I'm close to would not agree with this, but it's true....) I'm much more of a fighter now. I have had to learn to be selfless and put myself second sometimes. I have had to learn to let things go-and how to own up to my own faults- that's been the hardest part.
When things are hard, I adapt. I cling to hope and I try my best to think positively and I try to rectify what's happening. Lemons into lemonade-that sort of thing. It would be very easy, on my hardest days, to revert back to 17 year old Lauren. To bury myself under the covers and cry and hide. It would be easy to give up. That's not an option. Not anymore. I'm not 17, and I have a lot to live for. I've come this far and I'm going to keep going, because there's so much left for me to do and there's so much more for me to see.
So, on those days where I find myself saying, "How the F did I get here?"I tell myself, "it doesn't matter. There's no going back. I can only move forward so where to next?" Those days when I feel numb, and I want the world to fall away, those days I want to just cry and cry-I do. I let it all out and then I pick myself up and tell myself if there is a will there is a way and I have to make my way. No one can do it for me. And if my next step doesn't turn out quite like I planned it, or if it leads me to somewhere I never imagined I'd be, then I'll adapt. I will make the most of it and I'll just