I'm 31 and I'm tired!!
Tired of counting calories.
Tired of feeling guilty about that milkshake I drank instead of going to yoga or spin or cardio barre class.
I'm tired of stressing about my size! Wearing things with zippers and buttons around my waist and hips.. I am finally letting go. I’m letting it all hang out. Yes,I prefer to wear anything stretchy in general as opposed to jeans or anything to constricting I don't even own a belt. Give me a pair of leggings or a dress any day.
I’ve accepted this body for what it is and for what it is not. I am never going to be below a size 10, and it’s not because I’m “big boned”, it’s because this is just how I’m supposed to be. I’m hippy, and I like my hips and it took me SUCH a long time to be able to say that. I have cellulite and I don’t care. I have small boobs and no-I don’t want a boob job and I actually don’t care. I’m 31 and I’m still getting occasional adult acne and I don’t care. I deal with it.
Don’t get me wrong, I have my bad days. I’ve discovered I’m kind of losing my hair.. (yikes!) but whatever, I’ll fix it! Or I’ll get a bunch of awesome wigs.
Yes I workout and I take fat burners and I want to try to tone up, but that's also because I just want to take care of my body and I'm too cheap to buy new clothes, so fitting in the ones I already have takes a teeny bit of effort. But mostly, I just want to be healthy and feel great when I hike mountains, travel all over, and climb the stairs to my spin class...
My body is strong and it's awesome and it knows how to have fun.
I’m just so tired of caring so much about body image!! After all my struggles with body dysmorphic disorder, eating disorders, and anxiety attacks over how my body makes me feel, I have accepted that I've got curves and my curves desire and deserve freedom! I'm tired of being uncomfortable in clothing that's too tight just for the sake of staying in "my size”.
My size changes, it fluctuates with time and diet and stress and hormones but it also changes because of fun and fitness and delicious food.. and drink.
I've accepted that my body is not as toned as I want it to be, and that maybe it won't ever be -so what? I'm active and healthy and having fun. I don't workout for 3 hours a day anymore and I don't even work out everyday anymore. I'm busy living and enjoying life! Sometimes I get this mad crazy energy and I will be a workout beast for weeks. Some weeks I'll want to be a margarita and nachos beast.
I always have to keep asking myself what matters more - how I look in the moment or how I feel when I'm in it?
I keep hearing people say "I can't eat that, I'll have to work out for HOURS"
- NO YOU DON'T! You don't have to punish yourself for eating. You want to work out to be healthy, I am right there with you, but don't spend a fabulous meal with pals worrying what your caloric intake is with every bite! That's cuckoo.
Don't focus on what you're eating or what you'll have to do to "make up for it". You're taking yourself outside a really great moment by doing that, and one day you'll add up all those moments and you'll regret it.
I'm guilty of doing it. I think everyone is, but at some point I just realized - what does this matter? Why am I saying this? It sounds insane. I'm having a good time so why am I being a drama queen about calories? What a weirdo.
On nights out when I'm laughing and dancing or watching great films, seeing amazing art or exploring a brand new place I never think about how I look- then someone wants to take a photo.
This is a moment used to dread. And sometimes, depending on how I fee,l I do still feel some anxiety about having my photo taken - but most of the time I really love it!! Especially when I can make funny faces.
I'm living in a body that I know I'm taking care of, that I know is strong, and for someone who went to the struggles I've gone through - that's pretty amazing.
When I'm in a class working out I'm no longer comparing my body to the other women around me instead I'm comparing my strength. My endurance. I'm looking around at these other sweaty gals workin' it and I'm saying -man I want to get that strong, that fast, that flexible!! I mean, who DOESN’T want to master that damn crow pose, am I right?
I'm 31 years old, and I know how I want to spend my time, and I don't want to spend it having panic attacks over trying to fit in to clothes or letting those bits of my mental issues with my body take over.
When I think back, I've spent soooooo much of my life struggling with my body. I tried to add up the hours I spent crying and anxious over how I felt I looked- then I got super depressed and stopped thinking about it. I may have wasted precious time but I'm not wasting it anymore. The good days are outnumbering the bad and it's about freaking time!
I want to spend my time helping other, traveling the world, doing things that make me happy. One day I’d like to be a mother, and I want to be able to teach my children that they aren’t bodies, they’re souls, and they are beautiful no matter what.
I want spend my time growing and learning and exploring.
I'm 31 and i have so many moments left, and how I look In those moments has no effect on their value, and it shouldn’t change how I feel when I'm in them.
The world is so much bigger than us. We can make such a difference if we invest our energies - however hard it may be - in other things we love instead of investing that time and energy in our self hatred or our body image struggles. We are souls with bodies and our souls need to breath and be happy and live!
Life is beautiful and I am not going to miss another moment.